Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional

Embark on a transformative journey with *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, a guide penned by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott to cultivate a thriving, joy-filled marriage. This isn't just about avoiding pitfalls; it's about proactively building a relationship grounded in faith, service, and unwavering commitment. Prepare to explore the often-uncharted territories of communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, and financial harmony, all while discovering the power of shared dreams and spiritual connection. Through relatable anecdotes, insightful reflections, and practical exercises, you'll gain the tools to navigate the everyday challenges and celebrate the extraordinary moments that define a lasting union. Get ready to laugh, reflect, and grow, as you transform from 'me' to 'we,' embracing a love that goes the extra mile and reflects God's perfect love. Discover practical wisdom, and a refreshing dose of optimism to help you build a marriage that is not only strong but also a little heaven on earth.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the elusive nature of happiness within marriage, challenging the common belief that material wealth equates to marital bliss. They begin with a personal anecdote, contrasting their humble beginnings in a cramped apartment with their current, more comfortable living situation, setting the stage to ask: Does more stuff really make a marriage happier? The Parrotts acknowledge that reduced financial anxiety does contribute to contentment, yet they pivot to emphasize that the quality of the relationship itself is paramount. Like a tree's deep roots, a strong connection can withstand storms that material possessions simply cannot. The authors cite research indicating that many couples believe a mere 20 percent increase in income would solve their problems, revealing a perpetual cycle of wanting more. They then turn to scripture, referencing Ecclesiastes and Proverbs to underscore the wisdom of valuing tranquility over relentless pursuit of wealth. The Parrotts advocate for investing in the marriage itself, nurturing the bond between soul mates as a far more rewarding endeavor than accumulating possessions. Referencing 1 Timothy, they caution against placing hope in wealth, urging readers to be rich in good deeds and generous in spirit. They then share a personal story from Kevin and Sande Leman, illustrating how spiritual intimacy, cultivated through prayer and shared appreciation of nature, formed the bedrock of their enduring marriage. The Lemans' experience highlights that awe and respect for a power greater than themselves magnified their connection, leading to continual growth and a legacy passed down through generations, a testament to the miracle of shared experiences and faith.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the profound impact of shared service on marital intimacy and spiritual growth, framing marriage not merely as a personal haven but as a divine calling to serve the world together. They begin by invoking Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who saw marriage as more than personal happiness—it's a responsibility towards mankind, a status ordained by God. The Parrotts illuminate how serving others as a couple cultivates a unique intimacy, allowing partners to transcend themselves and connect to something greater, akin to a mystical bond woven through acts of kindness. God's intention, they suggest, is to mold us into the image of Christ, who came to serve, not to be served, urging couples to look to each other's interests, spurring one another towards love and good deeds. The authors advocate for incorporating shared service into the marital dynamic, suggesting everything from offering hospitality to volunteering, emphasizing the importance of finding activities that resonate with the couple's personal style. They share their own practice of anonymous service, small acts of kindness concealed from the world, observing how these secret missions deepen their devotion and intimacy. Like two streams converging into a river, a couple's combined efforts in service amplify their impact, enriching their marriage in ways unimaginable. The chapter culminates with the real-life example of Brice and Shelene Bryan, who transformed their Christmas tradition from a focus on personal gain to serving others, such as passing out flowers at a retirement home or cooking at a homeless shelter, discovering that the joy derived from serving others wove them together more tightly as a couple and family. The Parrotts ultimately present shared service as a transformative force, turning the outward focus into an inward strengthening of the marital bond.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott use Gabriel Garcia Marquez's *Love in the Time of Cholera* to illustrate a crucial point: marriages often crumble not from grand betrayals, but from the accumulation of small, unacknowledged offenses, like a forgotten bar of soap becoming a symbol of deeper resentments. The Parrotts highlight that the inability to utter two simple words, "Forgive me," can erode the foundation of a relationship. Forgiveness, they argue, isn't merely a nice sentiment; it's the essential tool for breaking the inevitable cycle of blame and pain that arises when two imperfect people share a life. The authors suggest that the pursuit of fairness in marriage is a fool's errand; soulmate relationships thrive on forgiveness, recognizing that both partners are fallible. They draw a parallel to the incarnation, reminding us that even Christ, though without sin, understands our weaknesses, emphasizing that to be forgiven, we must also forgive. The Parrotts then introduce the concept of wrapping a marriage in forgiveness, advocating for compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience as the garments that clothe a healthy relationship. Mark and Heidi Mittelberg share their experience, describing the "Wall of Tenderness" they built to protect their marriage from destructive attitudes. This wall consists of attentive conversation, avoiding cutting remarks, reserving criticism for private moments, and a willingness to yield to each other's preferences. The Mittelbergs underscore the importance of verbal and nonverbal encouragement, nurturing an attitude of profound care and commitment. The chapter resolves with a call to action, urging couples to actively cultivate forgiveness, build respect, and prioritize tenderness, creating a marriage that not only survives but thrives on mutual understanding and unwavering support, a sanctuary safe from the corrosive effects of unforgiveness, where love is not a battlefield, but a haven.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the vital role of humor in marriage, acknowledging its inherent risks—what one finds funny, another might not. The authors highlight the physiological benefits of laughter, referencing Voltaire's notion of amusement as medicine and Proverbs 17:22's cheerful heart. Humor, they suggest, isn't merely trivial; it's a coping mechanism, even in tragedy. Like Charlie Chaplin, who transformed a childhood marked by poverty and mental illness into comedic genius, a shared sense of humor can help couples navigate life’s inevitable bumps. The Parrotts present marriage as a wagon, humor acting as its springs, smoothing out the jolts. They emphasize that humor fosters resilience, citing research linking a strong sense of humor to reduced depression and mood disturbances. The chapter gently urges couples to find common ground in what they find amusing, use humor to lighten tense moments, and, most importantly, to not take themselves too seriously. The authors point to Jesus, who, despite accusations of enjoying life too much, modeled a life filled with joy, suggesting couples reflect on how they can similarly integrate humor and fun into their relationship. Dale and Nina Bronner's real-life example underscores how shared laughter, alongside faith and shared activities, can fortify a marriage, turning potential arguments into moments of connection and joy. The Parrotts encourage partners to deepen their spiritual intimacy by praying for each other, offering concrete acts of kindness, and embracing the healing power of laughter as a gift to nurture their bond.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott delve into the often-turbulent waters of money and marriage, highlighting it as the most common source of conflict between couples. The Parrotts begin with a personal anecdote, a disagreement over a couch purchase, illustrating how easily financial decisions can become battlegrounds. They reveal that money serves as a flashpoint for deeper issues, a weapon of independence, and a stage for disputes about responsibility and judgment. Financial irresponsibility, they suggest, can be a cry for help, while reluctance to accept gifts may signal a lack of trust. The chapter pivots towards solutions, urging couples to openly discuss their financial upbringing and to regularly communicate about money matters outside of moments of pressure, creating an environment of transparency. The Parrotts emphasize the importance of establishing and documenting shared financial goals, both short-term and long-term, to provide a unified direction. Drawing a parallel to Jesus' teachings, where financial matters were frequently addressed, the authors underscore the spiritual dimension of money, cautioning against the seductive and deceptive powers that lie behind it, powers that can erode a marriage. They quote Paul, noting that the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils, and advocate for building a fortress against these forces. The chapter culminates with the story of Dave and Sharon Ramsey, who found that intentionally communicating about their budget and calendars strengthened their relationship and deepened their spiritual connection. The Ramseys' routine of early morning discussions over coffee, reflecting on scripture, planning their budget and synchronizing their calendars, becomes a model for intentionality and shared purpose. They emphasize that aligning their spirits on spending, especially in the area of giving, sweetens their relationship and fosters spiritual growth, highlighting that how couples use their time and money reflects the state of their hearts and their relationship. The chapter resolves with the idea that intentionality and shared values transform mundane tasks into opportunities for deeper connection, turning budget meetings into moments of spiritual and relational growth.

In this chapter of 'Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional,' Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott address a topic often tiptoed around: sex within marriage, dispelling the notion that it’s a self-sustaining element. They assert that a fulfilling sex life requires active nurturing, education, and, surprisingly, a strong spiritual connection. The Parrotts highlight that studies suggest a positive correlation between religious faith and sexual satisfaction in marriage. They emphasize that sexuality isn't merely a physical act, but a divine gift to be celebrated, referencing the creation story in Genesis where humanity's creation as male and female in God's image underscores the sacredness of sexuality. The Song of Songs is presented as an unrestrained celebration of sensuality within the marital bond, advocating passion devoid of lust. The authors then guide us to the New Testament, where Paul and Jesus reinforce the sanctity of marriage and the profound mystery of two becoming one. The Parrotts pose a vital question: "How's your sex life?", framing it not as a casual inquiry but as a barometer of spiritual and emotional intimacy. Ashley and Dave Willis's concept of a 'Naked Marriage' is introduced, a state of complete honesty, vulnerability, and acceptance, where secrets find no harbor. The chapter gently urges couples to consider how their sex life reflects their spiritual health, suggesting that a vibrant sexual relationship mirrors a deeper connection to God and to each other, like a garden needing constant tending to yield its most beautiful blooms. The authors underscore that the level of honesty directly determines the level of intimacy, and communication serves as the very breath of a marriage, vital for its survival and growth. They propose that intentional nakedness, both physical and emotional, fosters an environment where intimacy thrives, reminding couples that embracing this vulnerability is embracing God's original design.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott address the often-overlooked cornerstone of marriage: commitment. They begin by highlighting a stark reality—that dissolving a marriage can be easier than terminating a simple contract, a reflection of how the value of marital commitment has diminished over recent decades. The authors suggest that many marriage commitments falter because they lack a foundation in divine promises. The Parrotts underscore that a steadfast commitment isn't merely an ideal but a tangible choice to nurture love, drawing a parallel to God's unwavering faithfulness as the ultimate model. They emphasize that recognizing and trusting in God's commitment is foundational to building confidence in one's own marital fidelity. Commitment, they argue, is the cerebral aspect of love, requiring conscious effort and reaffirmation. The chapter encourages readers to actively express their commitment, so much so that an observer would readily notice its presence. The Parrotts then share a personal anecdote from Mark and Kate Schultz who recount a canoe trip gone awry, serving as a metaphor for marriage. Just as staying centered in the canoe required intentional effort and teamwork, a marriage thrives when both partners are committed to pursuing God, both individually and together, and are able to call out to each other to ‘stay centered’ when rough waters come. The key, as the Parrotts illuminate, is that commitment provides a home for restless hearts, fostering trust and endurance, because the covenant says, ‘I believe in you and commit myself to you through thick and thin.’

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott delve into the essential transformation required for a successful marriage: shifting from a self-centered "me" to a collaborative "we." They begin by highlighting the limbic system, the brain's survival-oriented core, which is primarily concerned with individual needs, fighting, fleeing, or feeding—a biological Geiger counter solely attuned to self-preservation. The authors then draw a stark contrast, presenting Paul's list of self-centered traits from 2 Timothy, painting a portrait of someone with whom marriage would be unbearable: lovers of themselves, boastful, abusive. The Parrotts emphasize that laws cannot cultivate the qualities needed to transcend selfishness; rather, these qualities—love, joy, peace, patience, and self-control—are the fruit of the Holy Spirit's work in transforming our inherent self-gratifying nature. The authors suggest that every marriage faces the risk of reverting to two individuals consumed by their own survival instincts, but the miracle occurs when the Holy Spirit transforms self-centeredness, leading to increased fruitfulness through selfless giving. They illustrate this by referencing Galatians 5:14-18, highlighting the conflict between fleshly desires and the Spirit's guidance, urging readers to walk by the Spirit to avoid gratifying selfish impulses. Les and Leslie underscore that spiritual intimacy reflects shared love, whether in simple acts like holding hands or deeper discussions about God's presence, explaining how commitment and intimacy form the heart of their marriage. They also stress that spiritual practices should flow naturally from shared intimacy, rather than becoming forced rituals, exemplified by their commitment to weekly dates and spontaneous romantic interludes. The chapter concludes with a reminder that marriage is a journey of two individuals walking through life, hand in hand with each other and with God, savoring His companionship along the way—a testament to transforming the 'me' into a 'we'.

In their exploration of marriage, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott draw us into the heart of a common marital tension: navigating differences. They begin by likening marriage to an unfinished play by F. Scott Fitzgerald, where disparate family members must learn to coexist to inherit a shared reward, highlighting that the rewards of marriage hinge on the ability to live together harmoniously, a task often easier said than done. The Parrotts illuminate how couples often stumble, either by sweeping disagreements under the rug or attempting to mold their partner into a mirror image of themselves, strategies destined for frustration, like trying to force puzzle pieces to fit where they don't belong. They stress the importance of appreciating each other's uniqueness, noting that Psalm 139:14 reminds us that we are each wonderfully made, with unique strengths and weaknesses, and marriage thrives not on uniformity but on the complementary nature of these differences. The authors use the metaphor of the human body from 1 Corinthians 12:12 to illustrate how diverse gifts within a marriage, much like within the church, can achieve far more than a homogenous unit. They advocate for gratitude towards a partner's temperament, even when challenging, as these differences can bring balance and completion to the relationship, allowing couples to inherit the riches of true soulmates. The Parrotts then introduce the real-life example of Ed and Donna Stetzer, who exemplify extreme opposites in personality assessments but are united by a common conviction rooted in their relationship with Jesus Christ. This couple's journey underscores that while differences may present challenges, they also offer opportunities for growth and deeper connection as partners pursue a shared direction and purpose. Thus, the Parrotts resolve the initial tension by revealing that accepting and even celebrating differences is not just a path to a more balanced marriage, but also a testament to the beauty of individuality within a committed partnership, much like appreciating the distinct colors in a vibrant tapestry.

In this introspective chapter from *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott pose a compelling question: if our conversations were recorded and replayed, what would we truly hear? The authors begin by exploring the hypothetical scenario of replaying past conversations, highlighting the discomfort many feel when confronted with their own recorded words. They then reference a Duke University study categorizing family conversations into five types, ranging from non-conversations to discussions of ideas, revealing a common tendency toward negativity. The dilemma emerges: are we aware of the tone and content of our daily interactions, and how do they affect our relationships? Referencing the prophet Isaiah's self-awareness of his "unclean lips," the Parrotts underscore the importance of taking a personal inventory of our speech, recognizing that our words can either uplift or erode our marriages. Like a small rudder steering a massive ship, our tongue, as James notes, can direct the course of our lives, making it essential to cultivate conversations that convey hope and encouragement rather than negativity. Jeff and Brandy Little underscore this point by sharing their commitment to weekly lunch dates prioritizing conversation and connection. The Parrotts ultimately urge readers to actively choose topics that foster positivity, guarding against the subtle poison of constant criticism. They encourage couples to consider what they gained from the session, to pray for specific pressure points in their partner’s week, and to offer concrete acts of kindness, thereby deepening their spiritual intimacy and fortifying their bond against the corrosive effects of unchecked negativity, building a marriage founded on the unshakable word.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott begin by drawing a parallel between early aviation, where pilots flew by the seat of their pants relying on unreliable physical sensations, and marriage, cautioning against navigating a relationship solely on feelings. They introduce the concept of "sloppy agape," exemplified by Jan, who sought to please her husband Mike to a fault, taking responsibility for his happiness and whose marital happiness was at the mercy of her feelings. The Parrotts illuminate this with the biblical story of Martha, who was so preoccupied with serving Jesus and his disciples that she missed the deeper connection of simply being with them, prioritizing doing loving things over being a loving person. The authors emphasize that focusing too much on feelings leads to meeting needs a partner doesn't truly have, resulting in disappointment for both. The Parrotts stress the importance of distinguishing between genuine needs and fleeting feelings, urging couples to identify signs of each other's true needs and to support one another's spiritual well-being. They share a personal anecdote of Lysa TerKeurst who initially overwhelmed herself with a mental list of what a good wife should do until she and her husband Art narrowed their focus to three key expectations each, fostering a more realistic and loving marriage. Ultimately, the Parrotts advocate for a shift from frantic doing to intentional being, encouraging couples to cultivate love from a foundation of peace and genuine connection, escaping the "tyranny of sloppy agape" and embracing a love that is heartfelt and authentic.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the role of tears in a marriage, starting with a vulnerable scene of Leslie unexpectedly crying during lunch, which Les admits still makes him cringe. The authors reveal that tears, far from being a sign of weakness, are a natural and healthy part of any marriage. They point to research suggesting that crying helps release stress-related chemicals, offering a form of emotional cleansing. Les and Leslie highlight the biblical perspective, noting that God values and records our tears, referencing Psalm 56:8 and Jeremiah, the weeping prophet, as examples. The Parrotts suggest that embracing tears, both individually and as a couple, is essential for emotional and spiritual growth. They confront the societal discomfort around crying, particularly for men, and encourage couples to create a safe space for expressing even sad emotions. The authors then shift to the broader context of community, drawing on John Mark and Tammy Comer's experiences, arguing that marriage should not bear the sole burden of fulfilling all emotional and spiritual needs; instead, a supportive community can alleviate pressure and foster deeper connections, sharing the load of life's joys and sorrows. Ultimately, the chapter resolves in the idea that vulnerability, expressed even through tears, and a strong community are vital for a thriving, soul-mate marriage, creating a space where couples can be real, supported, and deeply connected.

In this chapter of 'Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional,' Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott use the fairy tale of Rapunzel to explore the pervasive fear of being unlovable that can imprison individuals, much like Rapunzel in her tower, who was tormented by the witch's constant reminders of her perceived ugliness. The Parrotts draw a parallel between Rapunzel's yearning for validation and the anxieties that surface in marriage, where one partner may struggle with feelings of inadequacy, questioning how their spouse could genuinely love them, and the authors introduce Susan, a young wife grappling with these very feelings, illustrating how this internal struggle can manifest in real relationships. The authors then evoke Jonah, who ran from God's calling and blamed himself for the storm, they highlight the difficulty some have in accepting unconditional love, viewing it as an incomprehensible gift, like a treasure buried too deep to unearth, this resistance extends to both divine and human love, creating a barrier to intimacy and acceptance. They emphasize that while partners will inevitably fall short of perfect love, embracing God's eternal love is paramount, referencing John 3:16 and John 15:9 to underscore the boundless nature of divine affection. The chapter gently guides readers to confront their own 'towers' of self-doubt, encouraging them to recognize and dismantle the false narratives that fuel their fears of rejection and the authors suggest that spiritual intimacy can be built by using scripture as a personalized prayer guide, like John and Cindy Trent who use Psalm 15 to pray for integrity and commitment in each other's lives, to foster a deeper connection and understanding, strengthening the bonds of marriage through shared faith and intentional acts of love.

In "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional," Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott delve into the profound art of listening, revealing it as the most direct route to intimacy. They highlight a common pitfall: mistaking hearing for genuine listening. To bridge this gap, the Parrotts introduce the concept of reflection, a skill that mirrors the emotions of one's partner, creating a deeper connection. Imagine a couple caught in a whirlwind of daily life, their words often missing the mark; the Parrotts advocate for tuning into the emotional undercurrent beneath the surface, what Theodor Reik terms 'listening with the third ear.' This act of empathetic listening, they assert, diffuses potential conflicts, transforming defensive reactions into understanding responses. Instead of countering with 'I am not,' reflecting the underlying emotion with 'I know it upsets you when I'm late' acknowledges the true message. The Parrotts draw a parallel to Jesus's encounter with the disturbed man in Gadara, emphasizing that true understanding lies in perceiving the emotional cry for help beneath the surface. They encourage using the mental space available during conversations—given that we comprehend speech faster than it's delivered—to tap into a partner's emotions rather than formulating a response. The chapter underscores the spiritual dimension of listening, citing Ephesians 4:29 to highlight the power of wholesome talk in building others up. The authors share a glimpse into their own marriage, revealing that spiritual intimacy isn't always about structured prayer routines but about constant communication, a continuous dialogue that keeps them connected and attuned to each other's hearts. Their life together demonstrates short spontaneous prayers woven into daily life, ministering together, and cheering each other on, as a testament to the power of shared experiences and mutual support. The chapter closes with the reminder that every marriage is unique, and that finding what works for a couple requires open communication and a willingness to adapt.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the vital role of prayer in marriage, navigating the tension between occasional and consistent prayer. They confess their own struggle to maintain a regular prayer routine, admiring those who do, while emphasizing their daily commitment to pray for each other, a promise etched in faith since their wedding day. Drawing on William Carey's wisdom, the Parrotts highlight that prayer is the root of personal godliness, transporting us to deeper spiritual levels where we align with God's desires, a concept echoed in Romans. The chapter then poses a crucial question from Corrie ten Boom: Is prayer a steering wheel or merely a spare tire? A powerful metaphor urging couples to make prayer a guiding force rather than a last resort. Referencing giants of faith like Martin Luther and John Wesley, who dedicated hours to daily prayer, the authors underscore the transformative power of consistent communication with God, while reminding us that even Jesus sought solitary prayer. They then pivot to practical application, analyzing Jesus's teachings against hypocritical and repetitive prayer in Matthew, advocating for sincere, private communication with God. The Parrotts encourage couples to reflect on their prayer experiences, discuss their individual prayer habits, and find ways to prioritize prayer as a proactive element in their marriage, not just a reactive one. The chapter culminates with a call to deepen spiritual intimacy through shared reflection, specific prayer intentions for each other, and acts of kindness, reinforcing the idea that praying together binds hearts on earth and to heaven, as illustrated in a personal anecdote by Stuart and Jill Briscoe, who found unity and solace through shared prayer during a moment of trouble, demonstrating that it is one of marriage's deepest joys and greatest blessings.

In this exploration of anger within marriage, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott dissect the destructive potential of this potent emotion, revealing how couples often stumble in their attempts to manage it. The authors observe that some partners cloak anger in denial, mistaking it for mere fatigue or tension, while others suppress it, leading to an artificial sweetness that masks underlying resentment. Still others attempt to spiritualize their anger, conveniently labeling their own outbursts as righteous while condemning their partner's. The Parrotts underscore that anger, at its core, is a physiological response—a surge of adrenaline preparing the body for a perceived threat, like a battlefield primed for combat. Attempting to judge this initial reaction as moral or immoral is futile; the challenge lies not in the feeling itself, but in how one chooses to respond. The essential insight here is that unchecked anger, whether suppressed or flaunted, erodes the foundation of even the strongest marriages. Referencing Paul's letter to the Ephesians, the Parrotts emphasize the importance of not letting the sun set on one's anger, urging couples to address conflict constructively. They advocate for proactive strategies, such as identifying triggers and establishing prearranged agreements to navigate heated discussions with respect and empathy. Ultimately, the Parrotts present a pathway toward healthier conflict resolution, emphasizing the transformative power of inviting a higher power into the equation, softening hearts and fostering a deeper connection, turning potential battlegrounds into sacred spaces.

In their chapter from *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott address a pervasive challenge in marriage: the tendency to do only what is expected, just enough to get by. They anchor their discussion around Jesus’s shocking statement about going the extra mile, illustrating how this principle can revolutionize a marriage. The Parrotts explain that the first mile represents the tasks and responsibilities we know we must fulfill—taking out the trash or preparing dinner. But the extra mile transforms these ordinary actions into extraordinary expressions of love. It’s about shifting from a mindset of obligation to one of genuine care and generosity, turning responsibility into opportunity. Like the Roman soldier who could compel a boy to carry his pack for only one mile, many partners limit themselves to the minimum, missing the chance to deepen their connection. The authors emphasize that common courtesy, often taken for granted, exemplifies the extra mile—simple acts like saying "thank you" and "you're welcome." The Parrotts highlight the apostle Paul’s urging to be kind and loving, suggesting that practicing the extra mile is more powerful than dynamite. They share a real-life example from Zig and Jean Ziglar, who found spiritual intimacy through small, consistent acts of service and affection, like opening car doors or making tea. These gestures communicate love in a significant manner. Ultimately, the chapter encourages couples to consciously choose to exceed expectations, infusing their marriage with unexpected love and gratitude, and transforming the mundane into the extraordinary.

In "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional," Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott embark on a candid exploration of romance within marriage, starting with a humorous anecdote of their own anniversary misadventures involving tuna sandwiches, Diet Pepsi, and a Greek lecture. The Parrotts reveal that cultivating romance isn't about grand gestures or conforming to societal expectations; it's about accepting and respecting each other's differences, which is paramount because romance is subjective and varies from person to person. The key tension arises from the fact that what one partner perceives as romantic may not resonate with the other, creating potential for miscommunication and disappointment. They emphasize that understanding these differences is vital; for instance, Les thrives on completing tasks before engaging in romantic activities, while Leslie appreciates spontaneity even amidst deadlines. The authors draw upon Paul's message to the Romans, suggesting that acceptance of one another, as Christ accepts us, is crucial, and this principle applies directly to nurturing romance within a marriage. They present love as something that covers a multitude of sins, urging couples to extend hospitality and use their unique gifts to serve each other, enriching their bond. The Parrotts share a personal snapshot of their nightly ritual of "devotional snuggling," illustrating how physical and spiritual intimacy intertwine, fostering warmth, tenderness, and a shared connection to the divine. This vulnerability underscores the idea that small, consistent acts of affection and prayer can fortify a marriage against resentment and discord. Ultimately, the Parrotts gently guide us to see that building romance into the early years of marriage is an investment that pays dividends in the decades to come, creating a foundation of understanding and affection that deepens over time; it's about learning each other's language of love and speaking it fluently, even when it differs from our own.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the profound human need for belonging, a quest that begins in infancy and evolves throughout our lives, reaching a unique potential within marriage. They illustrate this with a scene of couples declaring 'I belong to him' or 'He belongs to me,' highlighting the inherent joy in connection. The Parrotts underscore that while marriages can withstand numerous challenges, a lack of belonging—rejection and aloneness—can be fatal. They emphasize that belonging isn't merely about coexisting; it's cultivated through shared experiences, mutual trust, common concerns, and even finding humor in shared, quirky moments. The authors suggest that every couple develops a unique style of belonging, a private language of connection. However, they posit that even the deepest marital belonging pales in comparison to the belonging Christians find in their relationship with God, a relationship where they are known and cherished. The Parrotts then shift to the practical, urging couples to consider what actions foster belonging and what might diminish it. They share a personal anecdote about their own marriage, revealing that spiritual intimacy isn't solely about religious practices but about actively engaging in life's adventures together, both big and small, inviting God into the shared journey. It’s in these shared moments—navigating challenges, celebrating joys, and simply doing life side-by-side—that true spiritual intimacy and belonging flourish, creating a bond that no external force can easily break. They remind us that anything that divides a couple weakens them, but shared experiences, infused with faith, fortify the marital bond.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott underscore the pivotal role of church involvement in cultivating spiritual intimacy and marital strength. They begin with a humorous anecdote illustrating how easily spiritual nourishment can be sidelined, setting the stage for their core argument: incorporating church into marriage isn't optional, it's foundational. The Parrotts highlight research indicating that couples who attend church, even infrequently, demonstrate a higher likelihood of staying married and report greater marital satisfaction. This isn't merely about attendance; it's about shared values and purpose, the very bedrock upon which a resilient marriage is built. The authors then use the metaphor of a car without a steering wheel to emphasize the futility of pursuing spiritual intimacy in isolation, arguing that the church provides essential guidance and community support. Referencing Billy Graham, they paint a vivid picture of churchgoers as coals, their flame sustained through unity, extinguished in isolation. Charles Colson's assertion that Christianity cannot exist apart from the Church reinforces this idea, portraying the church as a family, a body called together by Christ's love. The Parrotts share their personal experience, admitting that spiritual intimacy didn't come naturally to them, despite their deep faith. They underscore that dedicating time each week to worship stabilizes their marriage and combats the overwhelming demands of daily life. They emphasize the church as a place of support, spiritual refueling, and shared quest. They highlight the transformative power of community groups, recounting how their involvement in such groups has fostered vulnerability, accountability, and a deeper understanding of pursuing Christ together, further solidifying their bond. The chapter resolves with an invitation to couples to actively discuss and enhance the role of worship in their relationship, offering practical steps to deepen their spiritual connection.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott delve into the unavoidable reality of criticism within marriage, a dynamic as common as breathing, yet as painful as a fresh wound. They recount a study revealing a community paradox: everyone criticizes, yet no one wants to be criticized. The authors highlight the scarcity of guidance on navigating spousal critique, emphasizing that marriage inherently opens one up to close scrutiny. Criticism, they suggest, often stings because it contains a kernel of truth, inflated though it may be. Drawing a parallel, the Parrotts remind us that even Jesus faced relentless, unfair critique, yet responded with forgiveness, epitomized by his prayer on the cross: 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.' This sets the stage for a key insight: forgiveness is paramount, a cornerstone of Christ's message. The Parrotts then transition to practical application, encouraging introspection: When are you most prone to criticize your partner? Have you discussed the impact of public versus private criticism? They advocate establishing ground rules to mitigate the sting of critique and foster growth. The narrative then shifts to a real-life anecdote from John and Nancy Ortberg, illustrating how direct, albeit challenging, feedback can be an act of love. Nancy's candid assessment of John's behavior—'No, you’re not [doing the best you can]'—serves as a wake-up call, prompting him to address his burdens and lean into a God-centered plan. The Parrotts underscore that flourishing—receiving life, creating vitality, and producing blessing—is God's design, and that spouses can cultivate spiritual intimacy by helping each other live into this plan, sharpening one another like iron. This emphasizes another core idea: that constructive feedback, though difficult to receive, is vital for mutual growth and spiritual intimacy within the marriage. The chapter gently resolves with a call to deepen spiritual intimacy through mindful actions: noting gains from the session, praying for a partner's pressure points, and offering concrete acts of kindness, all underpinned by a prayer for the capacity to forgive, even when undervalued.

In a chapter exploring the vital role of humility in marriage, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott begin with a relatable anecdote: a miscommunication during a simple errand in downtown Seattle spirals into a minor marital spat, a scenario as familiar as a well-worn street. The authors use this moment to highlight a core tension: the difficulty of admitting fault and the transformative power of a sincere apology. Les recalls a friend's saying, Humble pie is the only pastry thats never tasty, illustrating how pride often obstructs genuine remorse. The Parrotts underscore that without humility, conflict festers, turning a home into a battleground, and they emphasize Proverbs' wisdom: Where there is strife, there is pride. They encourage couples to confront their mistakes directly, even when it feels unappetizing, because swallowing pride is essential for reconciliation. Drawing from Philippians, the chapter advocates valuing others above oneself, adopting the mindset of Christ Jesus in relationships. The narrative shifts to practical application, urging readers to reflect on the importance of humility and to examine their own apology styles, acknowledging that premature apologies, devoid of true sorrow, are traps to be avoided. The authors then share a glimpse into their own spiritual intimacy, revealing how they've adapted their devotional practices to suit their individual preferences, highlighting that what works for one couple may not work for all. The chapter closes with Gary and Karolyn Chapman's experience, emphasizing the importance of involving oneself in a church community and utilizing individual gifts to enrich the lives of others, reinforcing that humility and service form the bedrock of a strong, loving partnership, like roots anchoring a tree in a storm.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott paint a vivid picture of modern stress, likening it to our ancestors' encounters with saber-toothed tigers, but now the jungle is the workplace, and the report left on the nightstand is the predator. The authors highlight how this stress, if unmanaged, bleeds into marriage, turning a partner into an unintended target. They caution against extremes, noting that too little stress can be as damaging as too much, advocating instead for balance. The Parrotts suggest that the key to preventing stress from becoming debilitating lies in responding to Christ's invitation for rest, emphasizing that resting in God's presence is a frequently overlooked dimension in stress management. Just as God called Moses to rest amid the burdens of leading the Israelites, so too are couples called to find peace together. The authors underscore the importance of addressing anxieties through prayer and thanksgiving, allowing the peace of God to guard hearts and minds. Keith and Fawn Weaver's experience illustrates the transformative power of observing a day of rest, or Sabbath, emphasizing it as a way to replenish one's resources, increase patience, renew energy, strengthen the marriage, and cultivate happiness through gratitude. Like a bank account, couples can increase their available balance by pausing to intentionally connect with each other and with God. The Parrotts ultimately frame stress not as an enemy to be vanquished, but as a challenge to be balanced with faith, rest, and intentional connection, turning potential conflict into an opportunity for deeper intimacy and resilience.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the vital role of scripture in nourishing both individual souls and the marital bond. They begin by painting a picture of their own extensive Bible collection, contrasting the many untouched volumes with their two well-worn, personal Bibles, each a testament to years of daily engagement with God's Word. Les and Leslie gently pose the question: Are you making time for Bible study? They then share a vivid metaphor from Billy Sunday, who likens the Bible to a magnificent temple filled with art, music, wisdom, and prophetic visions, arguing that consistent individual Bible reading nourishes the soul and blesses the marriage. The Parrotts underscore this point by referencing several scriptures that highlight the transformative power of God's Word, emphasizing that having the Word of God written on one’s heart is paramount. Colossians 3:16 is presented as a guiding principle, urging couples to let the message of Christ dwell richly within them. Addressing a common tension—feeling guilty about inconsistent Bible study—the Parrotts encourage couples to learn from each other's devotional styles, acknowledging that approaches to scripture vary. They prompt reflection on how scripture has encouraged or influenced each partner at critical moments and how the Word of God has specifically blessed their marriage. The chapter culminates with a call to deepen spiritual intimacy through shared reflection, prayer, and acts of kindness, resolving to support each other’s spiritual needs in the coming week. Les and Leslie share the story of Jim and Cathy Burns, who initially struggled to find a devotional rhythm but eventually created a weekly meeting centered on sharing joys, struggles, affirmations, and prayer. This weekly meeting became the cornerstone of their spiritual intimacy, demonstrating that intentionality and shared spiritual practices can transform a marriage. Ultimately, the Parrotts frame scripture as a vital resource for life, capable of reviving souls, imparting wisdom, and filling minds with light, thus paving the way for a marriage that reaps the rewards promised to those who study and live by God's Word.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott address the often-avoided topic of seeking outside help in a marriage. The Parrotts acknowledge that while many couples can navigate everyday disagreements, some issues prove too stubborn to resolve alone, like a boat stuck in the mud. They emphasize that recognizing the need for external counsel isn't a sign of weakness, but rather an act of wisdom, supported by numerous proverbs that champion the value of guidance. The authors clarify that while direct communication with God is possible, divine counsel often comes through wise, trained individuals. Everett Worthington's insights are shared, highlighting situations where counseling is advisable, such as power struggles, depression, addiction, sexual difficulties, damaged self-esteem, or wavering commitment. The Parrotts underscore that hesitation often masks a deeper need, suggesting that if a couple even contemplates counseling, it's likely necessary. They advise seeking referrals and ensuring the counselor's values align with their own. Ultimately, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott frame professional counselors and pastors as conduits of divine help, urging couples to embrace advice and discipline, steering them toward wisdom and a stronger union, just as Winston and Rachel Cruze share how seeking counseling refined and unified their marriage.

In "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional," Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott address the inevitable presence of conflict in marriage, emphasizing that the *how* of arguing matters far more than the *if*. Drawing from Dr. John Gottman's research, they introduce "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse": criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, each representing escalating levels of danger to a relationship. The Parrotts warn that criticism can quickly slide into contempt, marked by sarcasm and name-calling, setting a couple on a slippery slope toward focusing on past sins and failures, eroding each other's dignity. Like driving a wedge deeper with each argument, this pattern can become ingrained, leading to divorce. To counter this, the authors advise focusing on the issue at hand, such as in-laws or finances, avoiding personal attacks and contemptuous behavior. They stress that conflict, when managed well, can actually build intimacy, urging couples not to avoid differences but to address them constructively. Quoting Proverbs 12:18, they contrast the piercing words of the reckless with the healing tongue of the wise, reminding readers that one of marriage's major tasks is discerning what to change and what to overlook. Referencing Matthew 5:21-24, the Parrotts underscore the destructiveness of contempt, mirroring Christ's warning against anger and demeaning language. They share a personal anecdote about a pastor whose public disparagement of his wife foreshadowed an ugly divorce, contrasting it with the example of Sam Moore, who always spoke highly of his wife, illustrating the power of affirmation in cultivating spiritual intimacy. The Parrotts highlight that affirmation yields more of what is affirmed, shifts attitudes, strengthens qualities, wards off temptation, and pays significant dividends, ultimately joining spirits together. Thus, the chapter serves as a guide to transforming conflict from a destructive force into a catalyst for deeper connection and understanding.

In the Parrotts' chapter on honesty, we encounter Rebecca and Steve, a newly married couple whose story illustrates how even small deceptions can erode trust. Steve's white lie about liking Rebecca's eggplant lasagna, born from a desire to spare her feelings, ultimately explodes into a moment of anger and hurt, revealing the insidious nature of dishonesty. The authors, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, draw a parallel between honest communication and a kiss on the lips, emphasizing its sweetness and necessity in a healthy marriage. They underscore that integrity, defined as truthfulness, promise-keeping, accountability, and unwavering faithfulness, is the bedrock of a thriving relationship, without which, scripture warns, relationships can be destroyed. The challenge, however, lies in speaking the truth in love, a concept the Apostle Paul highlighted, and not using truth as a weapon. The Parrotts clarify that truth becomes brutal when it is partial or intended to inflict pain, highlighting the importance of complete honesty delivered with kindness. The authors then acknowledge the pervasive nature of dishonesty, referencing biblical verses that lament the rarity of unfailing love and faithfulness, but they pose a vital question: Doesn't your marriage deserve the rare gift of integrity? The chapter pivots from theoretical understanding to practical application, encouraging couples to deepen their spiritual intimacy by focusing on personal integrity in daily conversations. The Feldhahns' real-life example illustrates that spiritual connection isn't always about grand gestures, but about seizing small, purposeful moments amidst the chaos of life, sharing personal reflections and praying together in the midst of daily challenges. In essence, the Parrotts advocate for a marriage where honesty isn't just a policy, but a practice—a constant choice to speak the truth with love, building a foundation of trust that can withstand the inevitable storms of life, proving that even the smallest acts of integrity are like seeds sown in fertile ground, promising a harvest of deeper connection and unwavering faith.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the transformative power of marriage as a catalyst for personal growth, likening a spouse to an intimate mirror reflecting one's true self. They reveal how, through the inevitable friction of daily life, partners have the opportunity to heighten self-awareness and instigate positive change. The authors highlight that married individuals often report discovering facets of their personality previously unknown, underscoring marriage as a built-in reality check, urging couples to ask challenging questions of one another, questions that may sting but ultimately lead to improvement. The Parrotts caution, however, that change is seldom easy, illustrating this with the historical example of the QWERTY keyboard, designed for inefficiency to prevent typewriter jams, a design we resist changing even when superior options exist. They argue that this resistance shouldn't deter individuals from seeking necessary personal evolution. Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott emphasize the biblical wisdom of Proverbs 27:17, "as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another," suggesting that mutual feedback and support can hone each partner's character. They extend this concept into the spiritual realm, referencing Matthew 18:3-4, which speaks to the necessity of change and humility akin to that of a child to enter the kingdom of heaven. The authors then shift to a personal anecdote, Jim and Jean Daly realized that their spiritual health as a couple benefited not only their marriage, but it was crucial to the well-being of their family. The chapter culminates with a call to action, encouraging couples to pray together and create space for spiritual intimacy, acknowledging that such commitment, though challenging, yields profound dividends in bonding and mutual growth, transforming marriage into a crucible where both individuals are refined, becoming real-life soul mates.

In "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional," Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott underscore the profound impact of verbal affection in a marriage, opening with the poignant story of Emily, who yearns to hear her husband say, "I love you." The Parrotts highlight how easily these words are taken for granted, yet how vital they are to the soul of a marriage; without them, the relationship withers, even though English offers a vast vocabulary, expressing love often boils down to those three simple words. Les recounts his experiment with a voice mail system, scheduling future "I love you" messages for Leslie, initially viewing it as an efficient, Type-A act of love, but he soon realized the act felt phony, devoid of genuine emotion. This experience taught him a crucial lesson: saying "I love you" is as essential for the speaker as it is for the listener. The Parrotts emphasize that a marriage cannot thrive without consistent verbal expressions of love, echoing W.H. Auden's sentiment that "We must love one another or die!" They then transition to Jim and Rosemary Garlow’s story, illustrating how intentional acts of honoring and valuing each other laid the foundation for their successful second marriage, with Jim consistently verbalizing his love. The Garlows understood that showing a partner they are treasured paves the way for deeper intimacy, and according to the Parrotts, this consistent verbal affirmation is not just a nice gesture, it's the very nutrient that sustains a thriving marital bond, like daily bread that nourishes the soul, preventing the relationship from starving. Furthermore, expressing love should be frequent and spontaneous, not relegated to a to-do list, as these words carry the weight of reassurance and connection, vital in navigating the complexities of life together. The chapter ultimately resolves with a call to action, urging couples to open the doors to tenderness by freely expressing their love, allowing these healing reminders to fill their home and empower their marriage.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the profound commitment inherent in the marriage vow, particularly the promise to stand by one's partner "in sickness and in health." The chapter opens with Les's personal struggle as he watches Leslie battle the flu, feeling helpless and yearning to alleviate her suffering, a feeling many can relate to when faced with a loved one's illness. This helplessness serves as a springboard to a powerful real-life story: that of Robertson McQuilkin, a college president who resigned his position to care full-time for his wife Muriel as she battled Alzheimer's. The Parrotts use McQuilkin's extraordinary devotion as a lens through which to examine the true meaning of the marital vow. The image of Robertson, foregoing his career to honor his commitment, underscores the idea that love in marriage isn't just about grand gestures, but about the daily, often unseen acts of service and sacrifice. The authors highlight that illness provides an opportunity to put one's marriage vows into action, transforming words into tangible care. They prompt reflection with questions about how individuals prefer to be treated when ill and how they feel when their spouse is sick, probing the emotional landscape of caregiving. The story of Ken and Joni Eareckson Tada further illustrates how weakness, especially through chronic illness, can deepen a marriage, forging a bond of mutual strength and reliance on faith. Ken's simple act of writing the letter 'C' for 'courage' on a post-it note for Joni becomes a symbol of the life-giving power of words and encouragement within a marriage, a reminder that even small gestures can profoundly impact a partner's spirit. Ultimately, the Parrotts resolve the initial tension of helplessness by revealing that true partnership involves embracing vulnerability, offering practical support, and speaking words of affirmation, thereby transforming sickness from a burden into an opportunity for deeper connection and unwavering love.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the profound impact of love, especially in the face of unimaginable hardship. They begin with the story of friends who faced the devastating loss of their young son, a tragedy that could have easily shattered their marriage. The Parrotts highlight how this couple chose to lean into love, demonstrating its power to weather even the most brutal storms of life, contrasting this with the reality that shared misery doesn't always unite, sometimes driving couples further apart. Emmet Fox's words are invoked, painting love as an all-conquering force capable of healing, opening doors, bridging divides, and redeeming sins, suggesting that cultivating love strengthens our ability to cope with life's challenges, and reminds us of God's promise to work for the good of those who love Him. The authors then pivot to Ephesians 3:16-18, emphasizing the importance of being rooted and established in love to grasp its vastness. The chapter encourages reflection on personal experiences of God's love and instances where love mitigated pain. The Parrotts pose crucial questions: How can couples ensure that misery doesn't pull them apart? How can they cultivate reliance on God's love during difficult times? They challenge the notion that love can dissolve any trouble, prompting deeper consideration. Dan and Rebecca Allender offer a real-life example, portraying marriage as a war against external forces, where intimacy becomes the essential R&R. Their daily ritual of connecting before dinner, a sacred time for sharing, journaling, and prayer, reinforces their bond and prepares them to face the world as allies. This consistent refueling allows them to engage with a deepened loyalty and passion, refreshed by their intimate connection. The Parrotts ultimately suggest that love, when nurtured and consciously chosen, acts as a bulwark against life's inevitable trials, offering not just solace, but a pathway to resilience and deeper connection.

In a world increasingly prone to victimhood, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott dissect the blame game's insidious effect on marriage, noting how easily responsibility erodes when partners point fingers at parents, genes, or circumstances. The authors illuminate a societal trend, reflected in media headlines, where accountability is shunned, and excuses are readily embraced, like the FBI agent who blamed his gambling addiction or the man who cited job discrimination after being denied a park attendant position. This blame-shifting, the Parrotts argue, is nothing new, tracing back to Adam and Eve's original sin of deflection. The core tension lies in our inherent human tendency to evade responsibility, a habit that corrodes the very foundation of marital intimacy. But the Parrotts don't just diagnose the problem; they offer a path forward: embracing free will. They champion the idea that while we may not control every event in our lives, we are wholly responsible for how we respond to them, echoing Galatians 5:13's call to use freedom to serve one another in love. Drawing on M. Scott Peck's wisdom, the authors underscore that personal choices define our adult lives, and accepting this truth is the key to liberation. Like a garden choked by weeds, a marriage suffocates under the weight of blame, but the Parrotts propose a remedy: intentional responsibility. They urge couples to resist the urge to fault external factors and instead take ownership of their feelings and actions, fostering maturity and growth in the relationship. To cultivate spiritual intimacy, the authors suggest shared reflection, prayer, and acts of kindness, transforming the marital landscape from a battlefield of accusations into a sanctuary of mutual support and grace. Justin and Trisha Davis share their personal journey, emphasizing that marriage is fundamentally spiritual. They underscore the importance of fighting the spiritual enemy together, communicating vulnerably through prayer, and extending grace, which shifts the focus from behavior modification to heart transformation, allowing each partner to flourish into the person God intended them to be.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott delve into the insidious nature of control within marriage, drawing a parallel to Chaim Potok's *The Chosen* where a father's unconventional silence aims to cultivate compassion in his son, warning against analytic brilliance devoid of emotional tenderness, as it can lead to manipulation rather than ministry. The Parrotts introduce the concept of 'The Controller,' a spouse who employs fear and guilt as tools, akin to Rambo's machine gun firing fear into their partner or needling their conscience, to maintain dominance. They highlight Peter's controlling tendencies toward Jesus as a biblical example, before his eventual humbling and transformation into an effective leader. Les Parrott even admits to his own bossy tendencies with Leslie, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and willingness to admit faults. The chapter underscores that unchecked judgment creates stumbling blocks in relationships, urging couples to work together to dismantle the destructive influences of guilt and fear. The Parrotts then shift to practical application, encouraging spouses to reflect on times they received compassion, consider why Christ cautioned against judgment, and identify instances where guilt motivated them, culminating in a call to action: to take concrete steps toward decreasing controlling behaviors, fostering a marriage free from fear and guilt, and cultivating genuine love. The chapter closes with a testament from Dave and Beth Stone, who underscore the transformative power of spiritual intimacy and prayer in marriage, illustrating how shared faith and vulnerability can foster deeper connection and even enhance sexual intimacy, turning potential conflict into shared growth.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott delve into the often-misunderstood dynamics of sex within marriage, opening with a scene reminiscent of Woody Allen's Annie Hall, where differing perceptions of sexual frequency highlight a deeper disconnect. The Parrotts illuminate how men and women are often socialized to view sex through different lenses: men frequently associate it with physical pleasure, while women seek emotional commitment. This divergence can become a breeding ground for miscommunication. The authors share an anecdote of a couple caught in this very trap, the husband baffled by his wife's feeling that their lovemaking lacks genuine affection. It’s not about a magic number of encounters, they assert, but about integrating physical intimacy into a broader tapestry of personal dedication. Lewis Smedes' wisdom echoes here: it’s not the quantity, but the quality and context of sexual expression that matters. The Parrotts emphasize the need for spouses to be realistic and accommodating, understanding that not every encounter will be equally fulfilling, yet each can contribute to a deeper connection. They invoke Proverbs, encouraging couples to rejoice in the love of their youth, and then transition to the Song of Songs, painting a vivid picture of a shared desire and blossoming intimacy as a guiding ideal. Craig and Jeanette Gross's story provides a real-world example, their commitment to intentional time together—daily, weekly, monthly, annually—serving as a model for weaving intimacy into the fabric of a busy life, not as a rigid schedule, but as a dedicated space for relating, learning, and giving to one another, all in service of becoming one, both as a couple and in devotion to a higher purpose. Ultimately, the Parrotts suggest, a fulfilling sexual relationship stems from mutual concern, open communication, and a shared commitment to weaving physical intimacy into the broader context of a loving, dedicated partnership, turning potential conflict into a shared dance of desire and devotion.

In "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional," Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the concept of delayed gratification, using a relatable anecdote of their differing organizational habits to introduce a broader principle. Leslie admits her initial inclination towards immediate rewards, symbolized by her haphazard closet, contrasted sharply with Les's disciplined approach. The authors then pivot to a financial decision early in their marriage: foregoing a car loan to save and pay cash, illustrating how delaying immediate desires can lead to greater freedom. This personal example serves as a microcosm for the larger theme: cultivating patience as a cornerstone of a healthy marriage. Drawing on M. Scott Peck's wisdom, the Parrotts emphasize that scheduling life's pains and pleasures enhances overall satisfaction. They highlight the biblical endorsement of patience, citing Paul's prayers for Christians and the ultimate example of Christ's resistance to immediate worldly power. The narrative tension arises from the inherent conflict between instant gratification and long-term fulfillment, a struggle that can either weaken or strengthen marital bonds. Couples who succumb to impulsivity risk being swayed by every passing whim, while those who practice delayed gratification reap meaningful rewards. The Parrotts then shift to the real-life example of Bill and Liz Curtis Higgs, who demonstrate spiritual intimacy through spontaneous exchanges and constant prayer, underscoring that shared values and spiritual connection are qualities that endure far beyond fleeting emotions or material possessions. They resolve with an encouragement to embrace patience, acknowledging its initial bitterness but promising its eventual sweet fruit, and a call to fix our eyes on Jesus, who endured the cross for the joy set before him.

In this chapter from *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott delve into the crucial role of wisdom in marriage, contrasting it with the intoxicating, sometimes blinding, force of passionate love. The Parrotts open by noting how easily love can lead to irrationality, painting a picture of a man whose grand romantic gesture resulted in a littering charge—a stark illustration of passion eclipsing good sense. Thus, the authors gently remind us of the Scripture’s urging to live wisely. They highlight that wisdom isn't merely about wise words or actions, but about the essence of being. The Parrotts then pose a vital question: how does one cultivate wisdom within a marriage? They liken the search for wisdom to a mining expedition, requiring diligent effort to unearth hidden treasure. Drawing from their own experiences, the Parrotts reveal two essential tools for this pursuit. First, they assert that humility is paramount, echoing Socrates' sentiment that true wisdom begins with acknowledging one's ignorance; without humility, pride takes root, leading to disgrace, whereas humility paves the way for wisdom. Asking for help, they suggest, is half the battle—a prudent question is the beginning of wisdom. Secondly, they emphasize the importance of seeking divine wisdom, recognizing that human intellect alone is insufficient. The Parrotts remind us that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and divine guidance is indispensable. Ultimately, the Parrotts resolve the tension between passion and wisdom by encouraging couples to embrace the emotional highs of love, but to temper them with the grounding influence of wisdom, viewing it as a shared journey that enriches the marital bond. Chris and Tammy Hodges share their experiences that their ability to love, forgive, and remain faithful to one another results directly from their love relationship with Jesus. They realized their differences could either irritate or entertain, drive them apart or make them better as a team. The Hodges learned to accept their differences and enjoy them, praying together, reading the Bible together, and discussing what God is showing them.

In their work, *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott address the insidious role pessimism plays in eroding marital bonds, presenting the story of Ron and Cindy, a couple on the brink of divorce, as a stark example. The authors draw upon the work of Dr. Martin Seligman, highlighting his experiments on learned helplessness, where dogs subjected to unavoidable shocks simply gave up trying to escape, drawing a parallel to couples who perceive their problems as insurmountable and surrender to negativity. The Parrotts suggest that a crucial element in safeguarding a marriage is cultivating optimism, which they equate with hope, referencing the Bible's emphasis on hope as an anchor and a helmet, protecting the mind. They underscore that pessimism can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, a habit that blinds individuals to potential solutions, while optimism allows couples to view challenges as temporary setbacks, actively seeking resolutions instead of succumbing to despair. The Meekers' reflection on their journey towards spiritual intimacy, marked by unconventional approaches like serving at a soup kitchen, illustrates that finding shared purpose and expressing gratitude can deepen connection. The authors advocate for open communication, mutual support, and a shared focus on faith as cornerstones for building a resilient and optimistic marriage, where partners actively nurture hope, turning away from learned helplessness toward a proactive stance of faith and shared values, recognizing that a marriage infused with optimism can weather storms and find strength in unity, the couple can navigate challenges with resilience and grace, seeing opportunities for growth even in the face of adversity.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the profound impact of touch within a marriage, illustrating its power with the story of Brigitte Gerney, who found hope in a stranger's touch while trapped in a construction accident. The Parrotts emphasize that touch transcends mere physical contact; it's a vital communication tool capable of conveying affirmation, comfort, and security, strengthening the marital bond with even the simplest caress. They reveal that both partners reap emotional and physiological benefits from tender touch, citing research that demonstrates how gentle touch can calm a racing heart, lower blood pressure, and alleviate pain, painting a vivid picture of touch as a healing balm. The authors then illuminate the spiritual significance of touch, referencing biblical instances where touch symbolized blessings, the setting apart for sacred duties, and the imparting of authority. Jesus, they note, exemplified love through touch, blessing children with his hands. Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott challenge the reader to consider the transformative potential of meaningful touch in their own marriage, suggesting that if a stranger’s touch could offer life, imagine the power of intentional, loving touch from a spouse. They underscore that daily meaningful touches are essential for maintaining emotional and physical health, urging couples to actively incorporate physical affection into their routines. The story of Pat and Shirley Boone is shared, illustrating how even a marriage strained by the entertainment industry found renewal through a rediscovered tenderness and appreciation, reminding us of the childlike capacity for love and forgiveness that can heal deep wounds. The Parrotts ultimately suggest that embracing the value of tender touch is not merely about physical intimacy, but about fostering a deeper spiritual and emotional connection, breathing life and love into the everyday moments of a marriage. Like a gentle rain nourishing parched earth, intentional touch can revitalize a relationship, fostering a sense of security and unwavering support.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott open with a humorous anecdote about a bride who blindly follows her family's tradition of cutting off the ends of a ham before baking it, only to discover the reason was simply that her grandmother's baking dish was too small. This sets the stage for a deeper exploration of how couples can unknowingly make foolish choices that damage their marriage. The Parrotts introduce a couple who, despite having a strong foundation, drifted away from their values and faith, ultimately leading to the demise of their relationship, highlighting the subtle dangers of taking one's heritage and relationship with God for granted. The authors emphasize that while silly blunders are inevitable, outright foolishness, defined as missing out on God's will, is avoidable. They paint a stark picture of a fool, drawing from Proverbs, as someone quick to quarrel, scorning wisdom, repeating mistakes, lacking peace and self-control, and being cocky—a challenging person to live with. The Parrotts then shift to a message of hope, urging couples to seek God's will for their relationship, framing this pursuit as essential for making wise decisions and avoiding the pitfalls of foolishness. They stress the importance of careful living, making the most of every opportunity, and being filled with the Spirit, rather than succumbing to debauchery. Gary and Jorie Gulbranson offer a real-life example of spiritual intimacy, describing it not as a programmed activity but as a natural and foundational means of relating, woven into their daily lives through shared spiritual questions and discussions, illustrating how intentional decisions can foster a lasting spiritual connection. Ultimately, the chapter encourages couples to proactively guard against foolish choices by seeking divine guidance and nurturing their spiritual intimacy, creating a marriage that is both wise and fulfilling, a beacon against the shadows of everyday folly.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott address a potentially contentious area for couples: finances and, specifically, giving. They begin by recounting Martin Luther's observation that true conversion involves the heart, mind, and purse, with the latter often proving the most challenging, especially within a marriage. The Parrotts share their own transformative shift, moving from questioning how much to give to God to asking how much of God's money they should spend on themselves, a change that redefined their perspective on stewardship. They emphasize that all financial resources are God's, drawing on biblical references to support this view, which then diminishes legalistic guilt around tithing. The authors then reference John Wesley's principle: Gain all you can, save all you can, give all you can. Furthermore, they explore the Macedonian's voluntary and joyful giving, as highlighted in 2 Corinthians, contrasting it with the Pharisees' ritualistic tithing that missed the true essence of justice, mercy, and faithfulness; the Pharisees strained out a gnat but swallowed a camel, becoming a stark metaphor for misplaced priorities. The Parrotts underscore that tithing isn't about compulsively counting out God's share but about recognizing ourselves as stewards, shifting our conversion from money to God. They assert that the Bible calls us to, in effect, profane the god of money by giving it away, urging couples to apply Christ's teaching—where your treasure is, there your heart will be also—to their financial decisions. The chapter gently guides couples toward a shared understanding of generosity, urging them to see giving not as an obligation but as an opportunity to deepen their spiritual intimacy and reflect God's own generosity.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott address a pervasive issue in marital relationships: the breakdown of communication, often manifesting as one partner feeling unheard. The Parrotts highlight that while expressing oneself clearly is important, active listening forms the bedrock of effective communication, constituting 98 percent of the skill. They stress that listening transcends passively hearing words; it requires active engagement with the partner's message to achieve accurate understanding. The authors illustrate this with a scenario where a wife shares a dilemma, not seeking a solution, but rather empathy, underscoring that true listening involves acknowledging and validating emotions, likening it to Jesus being touched by our feelings. The Parrotts draw parallels between Jesus's attentive presence in the temple and Paul's plea for patient hearing, reinforcing the biblical emphasis on listening as a cornerstone of strong relationships. They caution against rushing to solve problems, urging couples to first understand each other's feelings, creating space for discovery and deeper connection. The Hayfords' experience further enriches this understanding, revealing how shifting from logical analysis to emotional attunement transformed their communication, allowing them to navigate difficulties with greater ease and empathy, visualizing the feelings as a guiding light through complex issues. The chapter resolves with an invitation to cultivate spiritual intimacy through attentive listening, prayer, and acts of kindness, nurturing a marriage where both partners feel seen, heard, and deeply understood, like embers glowing in the hearth of their shared life.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the profound impact of gratitude within a marriage, revealing how easily it can diminish over time, replaced by the mundane. Les recalls a simple act of gratitude—a thank you for picking up mail—that underscored the power of appreciation. The Parrotts highlight Cicero's wisdom, noting that gratitude isn't just a virtue, but the origin of all virtues, a cornerstone for becoming better people. They draw attention to the frequent biblical exhortations to be thankful, emphasizing that gratitude is intertwined with peace, worship, and even God's grace. The authors illuminate this connection through the Greek word *charis*, which means both grace and thankfulness, suggesting that receiving grace hinges on expressing gratitude. They caution that a lack of gratitude can erode the foundation of a marriage, urging couples to actively cultivate appreciation for each other daily. The chapter presents a vivid image: a couple walking along a river, initially consumed by worries for their children, their prayers turning into anxious entreaties. Recognizing this unhealthy pattern, they incorporate 'thank-you therapy' into their prayer walks, wrapping each petition with heartfelt gratitude, transforming their anxiety into peace. This practice, rooted in Philippians 4:6-7, illustrates how thanksgiving can guard hearts and minds. Ultimately, the Parrotts advocate for making gratitude a conscious, consistent practice in marriage, a vital nutrient that enriches and energizes the relationship, nurturing a bond where appreciation flows freely like a meandering river.

In this chapter of 'Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional,' Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott address the common marital tension surrounding headship and submission, a tension exemplified by a young husband, Tim, who sought to enforce his authority based on a literal interpretation of scripture. The authors dismantle the notion of headship as a dictatorial role, instead presenting it as a call to prioritize the partner's needs, honor, and nurture them above one's own. Les and Leslie Parrott underscore that the Bible never calls a husband to *make* his wife submit, but rather to renounce the desire to dominate. They illustrate this with Aesop’s fable of the wind and the sun, where gentle warmth proves far more effective than forceful demands—a micro-metaphor for marital interactions. The Parrotts stress that true marital strength lies not in hierarchical power dynamics but in mutual submission, a reciprocal emptying of self-centered desires, like two dancers yielding to each other's movements, creating a harmonious whole. This mutual submission extends beyond the marital relationship, mirroring submission to God. The chapter guides couples to reflect on how their faith informs their practice of mutual submission, how it was modeled in their families of origin, and how they currently communicate their needs, and the authors encourage couples to identify areas where shared decision-making is paramount, fostering deeper spiritual intimacy through prayer, noting each other's pressures, and offering concrete acts of kindness. Mike and Kandice Weaver's real-life example highlights the challenges of differing personalities, where Mike's visionary nature initially clashed with Kandice's structured planning, causing insecurity and defensiveness; they learned that God leads each partner individually, fostering patience and shared vision, ultimately reinforcing the idea that genuine partnership thrives when both individuals are attuned to divine guidance and each other's needs.

In this chapter of 'Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional,' Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the profound impact of God's love on the marital relationship, contrasting it with the imperfect love humans often experience. The authors begin by evoking the poignant image from 'Oliver,' where a sign proclaiming 'GOD IS LOVE' hangs in a bleak orphanage, a stark reminder of the disparity between divine ideal and earthly reality. The Parrotts then assert that God's love is not a mere backdrop but a living force, shaping how couples love each other; it's a love that is self-sacrificing, unchangeable, and compelling, yet also described as 'jealous' in the sense that God desires complete devotion, akin to the exclusive bond between lovers. Ruth Bell Graham's reflection on feeling her own love fall short, finding solace in Romans 8:31-39, illustrates the human struggle to embody divine love. The authors suggest that couples pray to be filled with the fullness of God, recognizing that only divine love is perfect, so that they might sustain their marriage even when individual actions fall short. The chapter pivots towards practical application, urging couples to consider how God's love, as described in Romans, influences their love for their partner, and to identify tangible demonstrations of this love within their marriage, emphasizing that nothing can separate us from God's love. The Parrotts then shift focus, sharing their personal journey of building their marriage through an 'eternal lens,' prioritizing God's mission over mere happiness, and discovering that this focus paradoxically enriches their present enjoyment, guarding them against petty arguments and selfish pursuits, because they believe that an eternity-minded marriage isn't always 'fun,' but that tough decisions made for God's glory create a deeper, more meaningful connection, a 'good and right pain'.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott explore the pervasive impact of guilt within marriage, distinguishing between true guilt, which signals a need for repentance, and false guilt, a needless self-punishment rooted in distorted perceptions. Les recounts an anecdote from a conference where Dr. Steve Allen Jr. taught psychologists to juggle, beginning with a "guilt-free drop" of a scarf, illustrating the importance of releasing oneself from the fear of mistakes. The Parrotts argue that many couples unknowingly inflict guilt upon each other, often driven by unrealistic expectations and an internal 'judge and jury' that constantly evaluates their actions; this internal critic distorts reality, leading to unnecessary emotional distress. They emphasize the need for soul mates to extend grace and forgiveness, offering each other a 'guilt-free drop' to foster a clearer understanding of reality and prevent self-condemnation. The authors then pivot to the spiritual dimension, reminding readers of the freedom from condemnation offered through Christ, a gift of a guilt-free life, not just a momentary reprieve. Beth Moore's personal story with her husband, Keith, vividly illustrates this principle, recounting their early struggles and how Keith's authenticity and grace ultimately delivered her from legalism. Their marriage, though unconventional in its spiritual practices, thrives on mutual acceptance, forgiveness, and a shared ability to find humor in their differences. The Parrotts underscore that accepting one another, flaws and all, created an environment for slow, transformative change, highlighting that true spiritual intimacy lies not in conforming to an ideal but in embracing each other’s authentic selves, and that grace is more powerful than regulation.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott begin by highlighting a University of Michigan study suggesting that a staggering 60% of our worries are unwarranted, and much of the rest either beyond our control or insignificant, revealing a central tension: the immense energy wasted on unproductive anxiety. They suggest that only a tiny fraction of worries—around 2%—are truly worth addressing and easily solvable if tackled directly, urging us to confront the illusion of control worry provides. The Parrotts then pivot to a spiritual antidote, referencing the apostle Paul's instruction in Philippians 4:4-7 to rejoice, practice gentleness, and replace anxiety with prayer and thanksgiving, presenting this as a prescription that transcends understanding yet promises peace. It’s as if worry is a relentless storm, and faith, a sturdy anchor. They emphasize that Jesus offered not just eternal life, but abundant life, free from the crippling effects of worry, and modeled this by seeking rest amidst pressure, a reminder that stillness can be a radical act. The authors then encourage couples to support each other in casting their anxieties on God, who cares for them, reinforcing that life's possibilities are too great to be overshadowed by worry. Drawing from Luke 12:22-26, they remind readers that life is more than material concerns, and worrying adds nothing to our lives. Finally, John and Barbi Townsend share a personal anecdote of navigating a child's health crisis, illustrating how such moments can draw us closer to God and each other, teaching them to actively depend on Him, highlighting the importance of transferring mature character traits, not dysfunctional patterns, to the next generation, and confessing their own immaturities, demonstrating that mutual growth is key to overcoming generational sin patterns.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott address the challenge of maintaining deep connections in a transient world. They observe that unlike previous generations, modern Americans move frequently, making it difficult to establish lasting roots in any one place. The Parrotts introduce a powerful metaphor: the redwood tree. A solitary redwood, lacking deep roots, is vulnerable to being uprooted. However, when redwoods grow together, their roots intertwine, creating a strong, resilient foundation. This illustrates a core insight: couples, like interconnected redwoods, find strength in unity. The authors emphasize that while physical location may change, the most vital roots are spiritual, grounded in God and His Word. They quote Jesus, "I am the vine; you are the branches," highlighting the importance of remaining connected to Him to bear fruit. The Parrotts encourage couples to grow together in their understanding of God, becoming established in love, as mentioned in Ephesians. Even amidst constant change, couples can emulate the redwoods, growing stronger together. King Solomon’s wisdom in Ecclesiastes, "Two are better than one," reinforces this idea. The chapter then shifts to practical application. It encourages couples to deepen their spiritual intimacy through shared reflection, prayer, and acts of kindness. The Parrotts share a personal anecdote, revealing how marriage mentoring transformed their relationship. A mentor suggested a "daily delay," a "weekly withdrawal," and an "annual abandon" – daily connection, weekly date nights, and annual retreats – to prioritize their marriage. These practices, the Parrotts found, fostered communication, enjoyment, and spiritual recalibration. Ultimately, the chapter resolves with a call to prioritize the marriage, signaling its importance to both the couple and their community, creating a haven of stability amidst life's storms.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott open with the tale of Don Quixote from *Man of La Mancha*, a man who, despite his apparent madness, transformed the lives of those around him by envisioning them as something greater. The authors draw a parallel to marriage, suggesting that the dreams spouses hold for each other profoundly shape their relationship. Like a sculptor seeing the statue within the stone, envisioning a worthy future for your partner can unlock potential neither of you knew existed. The Parrotts emphasize that where there is no vision, a marriage will perish, urging couples to consciously dream about their shared future and set goals together, noting that these dreams should be rooted in godly hope and not in earthly treasures. They caution, however, that dreams must be noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable, aligning with biblical principles. The Parrotts stress the importance of supporting each other's dreams, noting that unknowingly shooting down a partner’s aspirations can be detrimental. They advocate for writing down goals as a couple, solidifying their shared vision. The chapter culminates with the story of Mike and Carmen Meeks, soul mates who, despite their divergent personalities, found connection through their shared faith and commitment to serving together, highlighting the power of spiritual intimacy and shared purpose in sustaining a marriage through stormy seasons. The Meeks' journey underscores that maintaining connection can evolve over time, from active service and prayer to comfortable silence and mutual support, all serving as a testament to the enduring power of shared dreams and spiritual intimacy.

In this chapter of *Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional*, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott open with a vivid allegory: a vision of hell versus heaven. Both realms feature banquets overflowing with food, yet in hell, individuals are isolated, unable to feed themselves despite the abundance, consumed by infighting over a single, unusable spoon. Heaven, in stark contrast, showcases cooperation; individuals use the same long-handled spoon to nourish one another, creating a sense of mutual satisfaction. The Parrotts use this metaphor to introduce a profound concept: marriage as a potential "little heaven on earth." They emphasize that couples can actively create this heaven by helping each other meet their needs, echoing Ephesians 1:3-4, which speaks of blessings in heavenly realms. The authors then share a personal touch, describing a statuary angel in their garden, a tangible reminder of their commitment to fostering a heavenly atmosphere within their marriage. The Parrotts suggest that selfishness can erode this heaven-on-earth dynamic, urging readers to identify and address selfish patterns that impact their marriages. They stress the importance of cooperative effort, illustrating how mutual kindness and support can transform a home into a space of shared blessings, a space where, as Jesus taught, God’s will is done on earth as it is in heaven. A real-life example of A.J. and Constance Rhodes underscores the challenges and triumphs of building spiritual intimacy amidst the storms of marriage, revealing worship as their unique bridge across divides. The Parrotts ultimately frame marriage as an ongoing project, a daily choice to extend kindness and work together, fostering a foretaste of heaven in the present moment, even amidst imperfections.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, seasoned observers of matrimony, often find themselves at weddings, particularly drawn to the unity candle ceremony. However, they note that marriage isn't about extinguishing individuality; it's not about blowing out one's personality to become a single entity. Instead, the Parrotts emphasize the importance of respecting each other's uniqueness, a lesson often missed when couples expect their partners to mirror themselves, leading to criticism and discontent. To counter this, they introduce the concept of empathy, or "walking in your mate's moccasins," a principle echoed in an old Sioux Indian prayer. Empathy, as the Parrotts explain, isn't merely sympathy but a blend of analysis and compassion—understanding facts and feeling emotions. It's about loving with both the head and the heart. The apostle Paul's encouragement to remember and bear with one another further illustrates this point. The Parrotts urge us to set aside expectations of sameness, embrace our partner's unique personality, and ask questions that reveal their inner world: their feelings, pressures, fears, and needs. Jesus Christ, they argue, is the ultimate model of empathy, choosing to become one of us rather than remaining a distant observer or a detached problem-solver. Therefore, before judging or criticizing, one should emulate Christ by walking in their partner's shoes, seeking to understand their perspective deeply. The Parrotts share a personal anecdote, revealing that their contrasting spiritual practices initially posed challenges, yet they discovered common ground in their shared love of nature. Their Friday ritual of escaping to the woods became a sacred space for bonding and restoration, where they encountered a common revelation in God's creation. This practice of ritual, roaming, reflection, and restoration, exemplified by their treks through the Alps, underscores the continuous learning and growth that empathy fosters in a marriage, a reminder that true connection flourishes when we appreciate each other's unique journey.

In "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional," Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott confront the daunting odds stacked against modern marriages, a landscape littered with statistics of divorce influenced by factors like teenage unions, unhappy childhoods, and premarital experiences. Yet, amidst these grim probabilities, the Parrotts pose a transformative question: "How would I like to be married to me?" This query serves as a mirror, prompting introspection and self-evaluation, urging individuals to assess their own qualities as partners. They caution against comparing oneself to others, emphasizing the uniqueness of each marital bond, and instead, advocates for cultivating traits that foster lifelong love. The authors highlight the importance of being easy to live with—feeling secure in oneself, forgiving minor offenses, and fostering cooperation. Like a gardener tending to delicate plants, spouses must nurture emotional stability and open communication, sharing their innermost thoughts without the masks of pride or fear. The Parrotts underscore that while advantages may vary, a commitment to self-improvement, guided by introspection and a willingness to embody desirable qualities, dramatically increases the likelihood of a lasting marriage. They point to virtues like goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, mutual affection, and love. The chapter culminates with real-life examples, such as Jeff and Alyssa Bethke, who prioritize Sabbath and hospitality, weaving sacred time and shared experiences into the fabric of their marriage. These practices act as anchors, providing rest, restoration, and opportunities for connection, ultimately reflecting a shared journey of faith and partnership.

In this chapter of 'Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional,' Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott reflect on the golden anniversary of Les's parents, framing it as a testament to a marriage deeply intertwined with spiritual commitment. The scene unfolds at a family dinner, a backdrop of countless meaningful celebrations, where the father's simple statement, 'I can't believe it has been fifty years! The time is so short!' sets the stage for contemplating the essence of a lifelong partnership. The authors underscore that the parents' marital maturity is inseparable from their spiritual formation, a shared commitment to spiritual discovery acting as the yeast that allows a marriage to rise successfully. The Parrotts posit that sharing life's ultimate meaning cultivates oneness and purpose, suggesting that a marriage's trajectory hinges on this spiritual foundation. They challenge readers to envision their own fiftieth anniversary, urging them to fill their 'house of love' with memorable treasures built on wisdom, understanding, and knowledge. The chapter then shifts to practical application, encouraging couples to acknowledge God's rejoicing over their union and to actively participate in this celebration. It's a call to reflect on how spiritual development shapes marital maturity, prompting a conversation about wedding anniversaries and the signs indicating a journey toward becoming lifelong soul mates. Gary and Lisa Thomas's real-life example provides a window into how individual devotions, even when practiced at different times, can bless a marriage immeasurably. The Parrotts reveal that mutual devotion, especially ministering together, fuels love and builds mutual esteem. The chapter gently guides couples to deepen their spiritual intimacy by noting gains from shared sessions, praying for each other's pressures, and offering concrete kindness. Ultimately, the chapter resolves with a prayer, entrusting the marriage to God's faithful hands, seeking a lifetime of happiness and mutual helpfulness, a vision of a marriage securely planted in Christ.

The 'Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional' underscores that a thriving marriage transcends fleeting emotions and societal pressures, demanding intentionality, spiritual intimacy, and unwavering commitment. It emphasizes shifting from self-centeredness to selfless service, embracing differences, and prioritizing open communication, forgiveness, and gratitude. The book highlights the importance of shared spiritual practices, managing conflict constructively, and cultivating romance through consistent acts of kindness and tenderness. Ultimately, it presents marriage not merely as a pursuit of personal happiness but as a divine calling to reflect God's love, build a lasting legacy, and contribute to the world.